Elegance: 10.2008

I had a sudden thought today... It makes me feel horrible and terrifying...
I was driving back home once I've finished my tutorial class at three o'clock... I was actually a bit upset and emotional when the time I was walking to the car park in order to get my car... I think this is mainly because of the phone call I have dialled right after my class... sigh...
And I know I am always thinking too much... but it is uncontrollable... negative thinkings are everywhere and it almost drown me...
It is sad to grow up but indeniably peoples have to grow up day by day... how good if we can go back to where we belong and where we have started... yeap, in other way peoples would usually console themselves by keep telling themselves that they are gaining experiences day by day from what they have done wrongly... or other similar word like mistakes... mistakes... emm, sounds that it do not matter much... somehow, it is something what you have done wrongly and there's no more turning back... again, old folks would normally tell us to learn from mistakes... yeap, mistakes shouldn't be repeated and yet sometimes a small mistakes could caused peoples to lose their lives or even hapiness in their entire life... sounds serious huh... because everyone makes mistakes... some they don't even care about it and some... maybe you wouldn't realise at first but when time goes on... you started to hesitate and stop at a point you will look backward and that is the time when most peoples say... ''You're regretting"... and yeap, there's still no turning back... emm... I might think... look forward and don't ever revolve myself in the past again... some can think positively coz they have found a solution or alternative to solve the particular mistake they have done... some might search it till the day they die... and still no way to get back their initial happiness... :(
I'm sorry and guilty for the one I hurt most in my life... and I'd truly feel the pain right after a few weeks till today... whenever I think back... my tears will shed... I feel the pain so much when the time I drunk... seriously... cried and yelled to express my pain, guilty, mistakes and I was blaming myself all the time... somehow, I'd lost you...
Never hurt someone that deeply in love or fall into you... it consider the biggest mistakes and you must regret in future... don't ever think that you could find a replacement or anything coz you will NEVER! trust me...
I still need time to recover myself and try my hardest to search for a better life and my very own hapiness... memories are indelible but no point for me to be stubborn and keep struggling about the past... It's not the replacement matter anymore... it's nothing... and that's why I need to reposition myself for what I need and what I want... a more distinct future...

That's why you go away

Baby want you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes

I don't wanna say goodbye to you

Love is one big illusion I should try to forget

But there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up

Now you're the one to make it stop

I'm the one who's feeling lost right now

Now you want me to forget every little thing you said

But there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing

The feelings so strong were lasting for so long